Porn is love you can see.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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