u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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