So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
