I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
