Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
