I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
