OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
