now i know why i became what i already was.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
