Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
NoShamevember. You game?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
