Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
