I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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