And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
