Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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