it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
