Sry I called you an 8
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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