if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You can't just leave with hair like that
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I deserve this hangover.
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