I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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