Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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