Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
