in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We have started to decorate penises.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
