As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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