Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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