I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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