i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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