Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
