Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
