Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
