WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
