im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
