so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
