Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
