I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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