I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
