Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
