You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He passed out mid-signature
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
