My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
