in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
