I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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