At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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