so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
