My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
