Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
