dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
