just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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