I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
