I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
