SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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