This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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