i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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