He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
