Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i just lost a toe
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