There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
