she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
