i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
